


Metathesiophobia

by Ingi



Series: I’ll let you know that all this time I’ve been afraid [5]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Awkward Romance, Character Study, Erejean Week, Erejean Week 2015, French-Speaking Jean Kirstein, M/M, Magic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-03
Updated: 2015-04-03
Packaged: 2018-03-19 11:16:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3608088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ingi/pseuds/Ingi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>~ Metathesiophobia: fear of change. ~</p><p>  <em>Sometimes, when the Sun began going down and the world was bathed in soft light, it was just like magic. Sometimes, when the moment was right, everything felt real, just for a second... but after the magic wore out, they were just things that were lost in the war.</em><br/>That was why Jean didn't believe in magic.</p><p>Until he suddenly did.</p><p>(#Not even threatening Mikasa and friendly Marco can deal with Jean's shit sometimes; #Everybody lecturing Jean because what a fucking jerk; #Angry boyfriends becoming actual boyfriends; #Not without feels and angst and crappy humor; #Jean's character study by the hand of Charlote)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Metathesiophobia

**Author's Note:**

> Guess what, I'm twisting the plot again!  
> The song I'm using this time is "All eyes" (yeah, by Imagine Dragons; these guys are gold, truly).
> 
> Oh, and my excuse this time is that, if there isn't awkwardness or fights, it's not a canon Erejean fic, so here you have your share of both (I'm so sorry, oh so sorry). Plus, it's kinda dumb, but the Erejean Week gods forgive everything, don't they?

_Everything you say is just a lie._  
_And now I’m leaving to the city,_  
_where the people are awake,_  
_to chase a dream that isn’t real._  
_And we ‘posed to be somethin’ that we’re not._  
_Just wanna change a lot_  
_and sign our name after the dot._

Sometimes, when the Sun began going down and the world was bathed in soft light, it was just like magic.

There were no Titans, no King and no Council, and the recruits didn't have the Legion, but they had happy families to go back to. Marco Bott was making people happy, probably baking sweets or taking care of children. Reiner Braun and Bertolt Hoover were living a normal life somewhere, keeping order in the streets, providing food, who knew. Armin Arlert was making his way through an endless stack of books, learning about everything, just because he could. Mikasa Ackerman was chatting cheerfully with her parents in the dinner table, not a single shadow mitigating the light in her eyes. Eren Jäeger was waist-deep in the ocean, happily lost in unknown places of the world he was free to travel to. And Jean Kirstein... Jean Kirstein was imbibing himself in the beauty of the sunset and wondering about other realities where people lived with fear and died horribly, and knowing himself incredibly lucky for not being in one of them.

Sometimes, when the moment was right, everything felt real, just for a second... but after the magic wore out, they were just things that were lost in the war.

That was why Jean didn't believe in magic. He didn't believe much in anything, actually, and yet not even him was capable of not dreaming, no matter how many fights he'd had with Eren for just that. The difference between them was that Jean dreamed knowing that he was only dreaming, while Eren walked in a damn daydream in which nothing ever seemed to go wrong as long as he put the right amount of will in it. And maybe that worked for Eren fucking Jäeger, but not for him, definitely not for him, so it was a surprise to find out they could work together, differences put aside in favour of focusing in whatever intense sensation that bonded them.

It filled him with relief, having someone who was strong enough to both support him and bear with him (because he _knew_ , he knew he wasn't the easiest person to be around; he could fuck someone's joy up in less time than you needed to say 'Titan' and being a jerk was in his nature). He had even started to think they would manage to keep their odd bond, they would manage, they would... but in Jean's life, unlike Eren's dreamland, things _did_ go wrong (especially if they made him happy... not that the thing he had with Eren did, but... oh fuck, it _did_ ).

It became apparent Eren and him weren't meant to last one morning, a few days after their last expedition. Nobody in their squad had been overly harmed, and he had even found some time to write a letter to that douchebag of Sylvain (he had promised, after all, and Eren in nail polish was a low price for his pride; still didn't trust him, though); he had handed the letter to Charlotte herself, since she'd gotten the habit to sneak in the quarters for a quick visit, and then went back to the dining hall before someone missed him.  
The very moment the shit hit the fan, Sasha was joking about something Armin had said about breakfast, and Jean hadn't heard her but was laughing anyway because her face was priceless; he was sure at least half of the table was laughing because of the same thing, Mikasa being the only exception with her usual deadpan face. When laughter dried out, Jean's gaze met Eren's, and the boy was staring with such an intensity it was impossible not to smile.

"Well, Jäeger, if it weren't you, I'd say you look thoughtful!" he observed playfully, just for the show.

Some snickered, some shook their head, and some completely ignored the exchange, but Eren did none of that; he kept staring, pouring into him all the mysteries and dangers from the unmapped forests with those green eyes of his, and Jean was suddenly aware not only of how his heat had speeded up, but of every tiny detail of everything in the room too, senses sharpening and the blood pounding in his veins sending a clear message of 'fly or die' (there was no other possibility, was there? it was just his body's response to the idiot's alarming behaviour).

"I love you" Eren blurted out all of a sudden.

Jean truly wished to be drinking water to be able to spit it out in startle, but he wasn't, so he had to conform with letting his mouth hang open. The reactions around him weren't any different, and any semblance of normality was crushed to pieces while they all stared at Eren, who was quickly getting the reddest they'd ever seen him but still looked very sure of himself and even a bit defiant. Jean simply _panicked_ , but in a completely efficient and cool headed way.

"Do you have a contusion?" was what slipped out of his astonished lips. "Seriously, have you hit your head or something?"

It seemed the answer to 'can Eren get any redder' was a rotund 'definitely'; the boy was full of surprises. " _I_ am being serious" he stubbornly replied, hands closing in fists over the table.

"Great, he _has_ a contusion." He rubbed the bridge of his nose, feeling an upcoming headache, and turned towards Armin and Mikasa. "Can any of you take him to the infirmary?"

At that point he was truly concerned: Eren might have been the most resistant person he'd ever met, but a head injure was the last thing he needed; his personality was already shit without one (at least, one that he knew of). So while Jäeger lost brain cells at an impossible pace, and heavens knew he couldn't afford it, everybody in the table was satisfied sitting there and gazing between Eren and him, the other way around, and back again.

"Kirstein, have you even _listened_?" a very frustrated-looking Eren insisted. "I..."

"Yeah, yeah, I heard you the first time" he dismissed, nervously running a hand through his hair. Bad things would happen if Eren repeated himself, _very_ bad things; it was just a hunch he was getting, and his hunches never fucking failed.

"So why are you...?"

"Armin, Mikasa, _c'mon_ " Jean pleaded, receiving blank stares in response. "Reiner? Marco?" No, didn't seem like it (Marco's eyes were screaming something at him, though, but he couldn't quite make out what it was). He huffed and got up, walking around the table to get to Eren's side, resignation already settled deeply within himself by when he grabbed his arm and pulled him up, without as much as a complain from the bewildered Eren. "Let's go before you drop dead on the floor and I have to drag you to the infirmary."

That lit a new light in Eren's eyes, and not a nice one precisely; it reminded him of how he would get right before going to kill Titans or punching Jean straight in the face. For once Jean was just worrying for him, and the douche... "No, you haven't listened a _single_  wretched word" he hissed, struggling in Jean's grasp until he released his arm. He held his chin high and did that thing he did when he tried to appear taller and... oh hell, definitely punching him (and why did he have to look so fucking handsome while it). " _I love you_." Worse, so much worse than a blow. Pain bloomed in his chest, knotted in his stomach, screamed from every fiber of his being. When the little shit noticed there was no response, he took angrily his fists to his mouth before pulling them away and yelling it "I love you, fucking jerkass!"

He was messing with him, the fucking dick was messing with him and if he thought he would get away with it, he was a hell lot more stupid than Jean gave him credit for ( _shut up, shut up, shut up, oh for heaven's sake, shut up_ ). A response was on the tip of his tongue, striving for slipping out, but even _he_ knew it was way too cruel ('but _I_ don't love _you_ ', it was; _I really don't, I could never, we're all gonna die and I don't fucking love you_ ). "Well, good luck with that" he said coldly, narrowing his eyes at the very representation of passion before him and trying so hard to despise it.

And then he turned away and left. The magic was broken (reality had never tasted that bitter before).

Who would have thought he had been the one to fuck it up? Apparently, he had, since both Marco and Mikasa followed him out of the dining hall and none of them looked proud of him; in fact, they looked so pissed they just deepened Jean's regret for not choosing the Military Police, shit like that _never_ fucking happened in the Military Police (there was also the plus of not having to fight monstrous beasts, but by looking at his 'friends' right then no one would have noticed the difference). He tried to pretend he hadn't seen them and simply walked faster, but Mikasa was having none of it: she moved at a speed he wouldn't have thought possible and stood in his way, blocking it with  her own body (and hell if it wasn't a strong one).

"Where do you think you're going?" she inquired harshly, a murderous expression in her eyes. He didn't consider it prudent to answer, but it didn't seem to matter, since Marco was swift to take over.

"That was probably the most assholish moment I've ever had the displeasure of watching."

"I thought we had a deal, Kirstein" Mikasa carried on, imperturbable. "You didn't hurt Eren, I didn't hurt _you_. I thought he was safe in your hands, and you have let me down."

Jean could practically hear the implicit meaning behind her words, the tagline every self-respecting thug had said at least once: a 'you know what happens when someone lets me down...' added in her already menacing tone, and she would be the fucking queen of the Underground. And then Marco joined in again "I don't think it's even _possible_ to be more of a jerk", the disappointment in his words making him cringe (and fuck, were they taking turns on scolding him?).

"Why the hell is it now my fault?" he felt it was half safe to ask. "He was trying to mess with me and I didn't let him, that's all, it's not a fucking drama."

"Keep saying that to yourself" Marco replied somewhat coldly, which was quite odd and, frankly, very concerning.

"You should now by now Eren doesn't say anything he doesn't mean and never jokes with serious things" Mikasa supported him, folding her arms across her chest.

"Well, then it's even worse!" Jean snapped, refusing to believe them, because if he did, if they were fucking right, he would get stupidly guilty and it wasn't even his fault, it fucking wasn't, and so he said. "If Jäeger wasn't kidding, then it means he spitted his fucking feelings to my face and forced me to deal with his shit, instead of stomaching it like a normal person."

"Deal with his shit? _Deal with his shit_?"

In that very moment, Jean learned that the face of death could be reflected even in the most beautiful beings in the world, and honestly, seeing it facing him when he was positively defenseless wasn't a nice sight at all. Even through his thick veil of anger and confusion, he was able to see and repent he was practically a dead man, or would have been if Marco hadn't interfered "I'll hand him, Mikasa, go talk with Eren." He wasn't less scary than her, but at least he wasn't known for his use of violence to solve problems... well, not until then anyway, because even while Mikasa sent Jean a sour look before going at Eren's rescue (her favourite hobbie, and the only one with enough power to rip Jean away from her soon-to-be bloodied hands), Marco's stare to him could have killed a bunch of Titans.

"Really, Kirstein?" Reiner's voice interrupted. Jean looked over Marco's shoulder and met directly the dumstruck eyes of Sasha, Connie and Bertolt ( _motherfucking Titan, is this a 'let's lecture Jean' party?_ ).

"That was..." Sasha started hesitantly, but Connie ( _thank heavens for the baldie_ ) interrumpted her with the words Jean himself would have wanted to say if he'd found the courage.

"This has nothing to do with us, guys. Just move out of the way" he added sternly, eyes locked with Jean's as if trying to transmite how much he didn't approve of his own decision. Not that it mattered much, considering the circumstances he was already in, so he moved aside and watched as the group walked away, catching Sasha's concerned gaze once or twice when she turned towards them.

"Jean" Marco sighed wearily, rubbing his face. "I don't even know what to say. You never struck me as the type to go hurting people's feelings just because you can't face your own."

There wasn't anything in that statement that didn't shock him, but the most painful part was the one that made him realise he had actually _hurt_ Eren, no matter which intentions he had or if it was justified or not; Jean didn't believe in harming people, especially for _no fucking reason_ , for no greater good like saving the humanity or whatever, and especially didn't believe in harming Eren Jäeger, nevermind how annoying he could be or which stupid ideas he could have or how gorgeous he could look when Jean was fucking trying to think for _fuck's shake_ and... No, he couldn't have, he really wasn't that kind of person (Marco was right, Marco was always right), and yet he had. What a major fuck-up.

But of course that what got out of his big silly mouth was a mumbled "I don't have time for this shit."

No one could have really blamed him from disappearing from the scene before Marco had the chance to bang his head against the nearest wall; something that, mind him, he himself was having the temptation to do.

* * *

_Take my side,_  
_take my side,_  
_don’t look back._  
_Now I’m easy_  
_and that’s a fact._  
_And you’re in my mind, oh._

Destiny was a total bitch to Jean Kirstein, but sometimes it fucked him so much it wasn't even funny and it had to give him a way out somehow. So thank 'fortune' for small favours, like Charlotte sitting on the roof of the storage room next to the cabins, just where he'd left her an hour ago, with a leg hanging in the air and a half eaten apple in one hand; she was wearing a skirt for once, but hid any possible curves with an oversized jumper. Her face brightened when she caught sight of him, and then immediately turned into an inquisitive expression "Oh, you have _that_ look."

"Which look?" he asked grudgingly, standing next to the storage room in an obvious refusal to climb up (he didn't want to die that much).

"The look of 'fuck it, I'm outta here'" she replied, smirking, and didn't move an inch even if she knew him well enough to understand what his gesture meant. At least not until she scrutinized his face and apparently found there something worth jumping off the roof. "Alright, tell me."

"Tell you what? Also, where the hell have you found that apple?" It was a mere diversionary tactic; he knew, she knew, and he'd been too naive by thinking she would fall on such a trap. And yet, she answered.

"In the kitchen, of course, and lemme tell you it's pretty watched over for... well, a kitchen."

"Yeah, they had taken measures since Sasha stole..."

"Jean, please, stop it" she chided him, taking a bite of the apple. "What is it? What has taken you so out of guard you've had to run off like that? That happens all the time, you know? Something that has been building up for ages blows up right in your face, and when everybody else knew, everybody else had been expecting it, you were being ridiculously oblivious. Not even you can be that perceptive all the time..."

"It wasn't anything like that" he lashed out, even if it kinda _was_ , damn Charlotte and her mind reading abilities that were no doubt Marco's legacy somehow (he should totally hook them up together... if his friend ever talked to him again, that was it). "Eren did some stupid shit and I did some stupid shit back, and it seems what I did was more stupid than what he did, so now everybody thinks I'm the biggest jerk known to the world yet and Eren is probably so pissed at me that... I don't even know."

"Great summary, but I can't get an idea of the mess you've made if you don't specify what did you two exactly do."

He wouldn't be able to get away with it, would he? He dreaded to pronounce the words as much as he'd dreaded to hear them, they gave him the same fucking horrid feeling and he couldn't even begin to imagine how much worse they'd have felt if he'd had time to see Eren's face before stumbling out of the room. The pressure on his chest increased to the point he was struggling to breath and the air felt rancid in his lungs anyway, felt like it was poisoning him instead of helping, because for his whole fucking he'd managed to deal with his problematic brash nature by comforting himself with the fact at least he wasn't the _mean_ kind of jerk, not really, but hey, finally it seemed he actually _was_...  
And how the fuck was he supposed to live with himself after hurting _Eren fucking Jäeger_ , who was like the nicest person in the world aside for Marco (and in his own weird way, alright), and Jean kinda liked him a lot because he was just so fucking honest and _alive_ , like a goddamned ball of fire, a creature between a naive tempered child and revengeful but regretful God, he was a fucking contradiction in itself and made him so fucking angry ( _I could love him_ ) but also so aware of the world and surprisingly happy to be aware ( _I really could love him_ ) because if Eren Jäeger was in it the world couldn't be that bad, and...

"He said he loves me" someone said very faraway, using his mouth and a tiny voice that he didn't recognize as his ( _he loves me and I really, really don't deserve that right now_ ). "And I..."

"Oh, _no_ " Charlotte gasped, the apple falling from her hand quite dramatically and rolling away on the grass. "Oh. No. You _didn't_."

"How do you even know...?" he started, suddenly coming back to himself but still very, very confused.

"I can imagine what you did. You probably were so fucking scared you laughed it off and ran off."

"I didn't laugh it off, alright? And I wasn't fucking scared, either. I just... hell, we're in the middle of a fucking war and he tells me that? You can't just _love_ like a free happy soul or whatever when there's a war going, people are bound to _die_ and life's enough of a bitch to leave you all alone and forever gloomy because you were stupid enough to fall for someone."

"Don't give me that bullshit" Charlotte replied sternly, glaring at him. "Your life motto is practically 'we're all gonna die anyway so who the hell cares'. You don't use the war as a excuse not to do things, you use it as a excuse to _do_ things. Also, you're clever enough to know a feeling doesn't cease existing just because you don't acknowledge it. Your problem, Jean, is that you _crave_ control, you need it to keep going for reasons I'm not gonna ask you and I wouldn't be surprised if you didn't know either."

He would have made her stop, distract her, but he was pretty curious about where she was going with that (and he saw himself reflected in her words, just a little), so he let her be, raising a brow in a challange he knew she wouldn't back off of "Is that so?"

"You know the risks, know all the outcomes and possibilities, you've studied every part of the script so nothing ever takes you by surprise. I'm sure even that pessimism of yours that riles everyone up the walls is a result of that, you're telling life 'fuck you, you can't take me out of guard because I already know you're shitty, and I'm gonna tell everyone in every possible occasion so I don't ever forget'. You're so dependable of control that when something doesn't go accord to plan, you freak out and fuck it up" she smiled ever so slightly, pointing at him with her index finger. "Don't you dare to deny it. I knew you would reaction badly to someone telling you they love you, like _seriously_ love you, because it's a possibility you haven't even imagined, have you? Changes are usually unpredictable, so they make you lose control and scare the hell out of you, and love... _love changes people_ , Jean, changes _everything_. So that's why."

"That's why I fucked it up, you mean?"

"I think so, yeah."

"What I think is that you are really, really creepy" Jean pointed out after a while, in a vain attempt to cover up how... _moved_ he suddenly felt. "And that I should go and apologize or something. Probably. Yeah." Although he had resigned to the fact Charlotte would notice he was trying to play it cool, because hell, if there was one thing that was completely obvious and in his to-do list was that he _had_ to apologize, and not with a simple apology, it would have to be like the _mother_ of all the apologies and... he was getting carried away.

"Definitely" Charlotte provided, just in case, with a wide smile. "Because, for your information, I can see just by hearing you talk about him that he's a great guy who won't put up with your shit and that you're totally smitten."

Jean took it as a joke, as it first came. Laughter bubbled up out of the blue and he let it out, a huge relief after such a tension (even if the atmosphere wasn't entirely relaxed either). But then he abruptly reminded Eren's bright eyes looking for his, full of emotion and lightening a spark in him, making him almost _brave_ (and that wasn't an adjective he would have wanted related with him anyway, it kinda meant the same as 'useless trouble' and 'poor self-control', but when Eren provoked it, it got an entirely new meaning and Jean could almost see...).  
Oh. Oh, for Wall Maria, Wall Rose and Wall Sina, and all the fucking Titans in the planet. It wasn't just that he _could love_ Eren, it was that he fucking _loved_ him ( _shit I do, shit shit shit, no fucking way man, I can’t love fucking Jäeger, fuck him, we’re over_ ). Oh ( _no wait, we can't be over, we're not even a thing, but I do want to be a thing don't I? oh goddammit, kill me now_ ). He was so dead, so fucking dead, so fucking dead and lost and gone.

"I didn't need that in my life, y'know, so thank you for the trouble" he hissed, swallowing the lump in his throat.

"On the contrary, Kirstein" Charlotte smirked, proding him in the ribs. "That was exactly what you needed."

* * *

_All eyes, they’re on you._  
_Don’t deny, you’ve got to._  
_"This is a call._  
_That’s all_  
_you’ll ever get from me."_

Finding Eren wasn't that hard, he just had to follow the trail of people pissed at him.

All doors were open for him when he said the magic words (which were, in that order: ' _where's Eren?_ ' and ' _no, I'm not gonna fuck it up even more_ '). Some of them were a bit more reluctant (Reiner, to name one, had been scowling at him in a way that didn't suit him at all, as if he were Mama Bear defending his cub or something), but Jean had gathered all the rage he felt at himself and the stupidity of the situation in one look and had sent it towards the poor victim; really, they didn't stand a chance.

He should have been a little more considerate with Marco, though.

"You're going to arrive late to training and Captain Levi is going to have your balls" his friend observed calmly when he saw him, paying no mind to his question.

Jean stared at him and Marco stared back, both with a mixture of hurt and embarassment and regret. It took them a few seconds to start smiling, and even fewer to exchange a quick hug and some pats on the back.

"Fuck, this is ridiculous."

"I know. And it's your fault, too."

"I know" Jean chuckled, resting a hand on his shoulder. "Shit, I'm sorry. But seriously, where's Eren?"

"Sulking in the cabins, if I'm not wrong. Mikasa tried to drag him out and he threatened her with shifting and destroying the quarters, for what I've heard."

Awesome. Nothing Jean loved more than an idiotic Titan shifter bitting his head off during his heartful love confession (because if he had kinda threatened Mikasa, he wouldn't stop at anything). Marco was a clever man, that was undeniable, for he thought the same and gave him an encouraging smile, nodding towards the direction of the cabins. He had like the worst taste ever, he mused while he went over there; from a bunch of perfectly suitable people, he had to get stupid over one of the very few that could actually kill him with no effort and that also happened to be the one person with the worst self-control ever found in a human being. And he'd managed to piss him of for real, too ( _ten thousand fucking points, Jean, you goddamn genius_ ).

When he walked into the cabins, he was instantly met by a sight that was both good and very bad. It was good (great, actually) because Eren, sitting on the floor with his head rested against he wall, was wearing clothes full of dust and looked exhausted, which was probably a sign of some nice anger-venting that should have left him less inclined towards the idea of killing him. It was very bad (fucking awful) because even with his eyes tightly closed, it was obvious they were slightly puffed from crying and that was never a good thing, no matter how much of a crybaby he were.

"Eren" Jean called from the threshold, clearing his throat. It was like pushing a spring. Eren's eyes were suddenly wide open and he was getting up in a jolt, unusually uptight; he stared at him in a wary way, a suspicious animal distrusting the person that had hit him too many times to forget. Words died in his lips, his perfectly planned speech gone to hell. "Gosh, I… I’m sorry, alright?" he finally managed to get out, reluctant but honest, more honest than he'd ever been. "Everybody thinks I’ve been a real jerk this time, and fuck, I’m not even that sure of what I did, but I hurt you and I’m sorry."

He'd fucked it up _again_ at some point, even after saying he wouldn't, that was apparent in how Eren bit his lips until he drew blood out, voice hoarse and dripping bitterness when he replied "You aren’t sure of what you did? Lemme see... I believe you said I had a contusion, and then wished me good luck with my feelings."

" _Fuck_ …" So that was it, of course. And he'd been holding himself back at that point, goddammit, it shouldn't have been _that_ bad. Every bit of courage he possessed was put into taking steps forward, one by one, to the point he would have just had to lean in to kiss him. That would have been a really bad idea, though, so he didn't (no matter how much he wanted, it wasn't relevant, he wasn't young enough to think he could _kiss_ people out of problems). "That was so fucking idiotic... I wasn't even thinking by then, was I? Fuck. Listen, Eren, I’m sorry" it burned like acid in his tongue, a well-known knowledge screaming from the back of his mind ( _isn't enough, won't ever be enough_ ), but it was all he got.

"Yeah, it’s not the first time you say that" was Eren's mocking response, and Jean couldn't blame him.

"Well, it’s the first time I mean it!" he blurted out, desperate to reach out and make him _see_ , make him know all those things he couldn't say yet because he didn't quite know them himself yet. Fortunately, he quickly realised his mistake ( _shit, that didn't come out the way I wanted it to_ ). "Hell, I’m not making it any better, am I?" he sighed, sheepishly running a hand through his hair.

Eren barely blinked, glaring at him with a stern face (but was that his resolve weakening, his eyes softening?) "No."

"Geez, you're actually gonna make me say it, aren't you? Fine then! You're the most frustrating, exasperating, and confusing person I've ever met!" That was definitely not what Eren had been expecting, and Jean allowed himself a hint of pride for a second. "You don't give a flying shit about self-preservation, if you even have that instinct, and give everyone headache half of the time with your fucking enthusiasm. And you know what's worse? That I..." A wave of hesitance, in form of shivers and cold sweat, overcame him in the key moment ( _not now, not now, not now_ ); he was sure he felt it but not so sure he wanted to share that information, not even with Eren, but in the end he dared brush Eren's arm with his fingers and got security from the faint touch. "The worst is that, as incredibly irritating as you are most of the time, I still love you." It was too much and he just couldn't resist, so he coughed and added, for good measure, a softly spoken "Jerkass."

Then, there was silence.

"Mikasa is going to kill you."

For a while, at least.

"I had already assumed that" Jean replied cautiously, a slight smile tugging at the corners of his lips when Eren rested his fingers on his cheek with faint curiosity, head tilting to the side and brows clenched in his usual 'angry without anger' gesture. "I just thought I shouldn't die with unfinished business, y'know, or I might get back to haunt you."

"You can't be any more annoying anyway" Eren shrugged, the fingers of his free hand curling around his collarbone. "Also, that was the shittiest love confession ever."

"Thank you. And yours was the worst critic to a love confession ever."

Eren grinned, poking his cheek with one finger "Well, we're gonna kiss or what?"

"Will you punch me if I try?"

"Depends. Will we keep fooling around like it's nothing or will we be... _something_?"

That was, at least, a question Jean could answer. "Second one. We're totally something, we're... uhm, a _thing_ , I guess."

"Good. Then I may punch you later."

He had missed him a lot for not having kissed him only for less than a day. It was just that... his taste was familiar; the arms wrapped around his neck, comforting; the warm body pressed against his, too fucking pleasant. He could even forget whose asshole all that belonged to, only that... he didn't really want to. "Eren" he mumbled, breathing on his lips. "You fucking asshole. I truly do love you, though."

There weren't many wonders in their actual world that were more beautiful than Eren's face at that, filled with childish marvel and containing the happiness of all the fulfilled promises of the humanity, and the hope for fulfilling the rest too. How could him have missed all that light for so long? The dusty and shadowy corners of himself were rediscovered in that very moment, and suddenly, something clicked right into place.

It was a bit like magic.

 _Now, will the sun come up tonight?_  
_Because your eyes, they burn so bright._  
_I’m all you’ve got_  
_when you say_  
_that you want it all._  
_You want it all._

**Author's Note:**

> People, if you react to a love confession like Jean, you're doing it all wrong.


End file.
